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ORIGINAL STORY: Spin Me Right Round by quailquill
PAIRING: EW/VM, VM/OB, EW/BB, EW/DM, DM/BB
SUMMARY: Elijah likes Viggo's bigness. And by bigness, he means cock. He also likes Viggo's poetry, legs, hands, and hairy toes. And by hairy toes, he means cock.
NOTES: Beta'd by the wonderful Queen.
DISCLAIMER: Filthy lies, or so I hear. Also: this is a remix of Spin Me Right Round by quailquill for the second wave of the lotrips remix-a-thon, or whateveh.
What Elijah liked the most about Viggo was his bigness. And Elijah totally didn't mean that in a pervy way at all - but, of course, since the world was full of plebeians, it would be taken as such and made fun of. So whenever he was asked what he liked the most about Viggo - which was more often than he expected, but less often than he was asked about Orli - he always replied with things like, "His dedication to The Craft" or "His brilliant mind."
He couldn't help but be tempted to pause before the word "mind" though, just to give them something to think about. "His brilliant. mind." Because, really, the world didn't have enough to think about - and letting tabs speculate on his love life was entertaining. They came up with better stories than he ever could.
Maybe Elijah did mean bigness in a pervy way after all. It was a physical thing, no doubt - did physicality always have to lead to sex/a crush/love/marriage? He and Viggo could go to Hawaii and have a commitment ceremony, for sure. That would scandalize his mom - but it would amuse Hannah to no end.
Viggo had big hands. And long legs. And big feet with hairy toes. Not Hobbit hairy, but still hairier than Elijah's - which wasn't hard, since it seemed that everyone was hairier than Elijah. Viggo had a big smile. He had big shoulders and thick arms. He did have a brilliant, big mind. He had big ideas. He had big thoughts and big thighs and a big presence.
And by presence, Elijah meant cock.
Maybe next time someone asked Elijah what he liked most about Viggo, that's what he'd say. It would make Viggo laugh, and it would make Elijah giggle, and it was nothing less than the truth. The speculation on how Elijah knew that would run rampant - through the tabs, and maybe even the more reputable papers, and, of course, on the internet.
Elijah knew all about Viggo's cock, except for two things. They were pretty big things, too, ha ha, pun intended. Elijah knew so much because, of course, Viggo was naked a lot. There was nothing better than a naked Viggo striding around the woods with a sword in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Except for maybe a naked Viggo striding around the woods with a sword in one hand and a camera in the other.
Elijah was pretty sure that he wasn't supposed to be watching Viggo doing anything naked, much less walking around the woods - much less having sex with Orlando in the woods. But for real, one of Elijah's best memories of New Zealand was always and forever going to be the sight of Viggo and Orli, blending into the trees, their limbs wrapped around each other. Their contrasts were especially stark because Viggo was just Viggo, but Orli was Legolas, and his long blonde wig was wrapped around Viggo's fist.
Or maybe his bestest memory of New Zealand would be the sounds coming from Orli's throat, sounds Elijah had never heard anyone make before. Elijah knew sex - the scents, the moans, the connection. He knew sex the way he knew music and drinking and his cigarettes. But he didn't know what the fuck Orli and Viggo were doing, because it wasn't sex - it was... It was something. And it was something that Elijah had never experienced.
And, okay, to be honest, it was something he sometimes envied fiercely and he sometimes felt extremely afraid of.
He even knew why he was afraid - because there was only a little bit of himself left inside his. His whatever, right? His soul or his being or his body, or wherever it was personality was kept in people. Whatever made him himself was there, but there was only a little tiny droplet, and Viggo was the only person Elijah had ever met who he thought could possibly suck that right out of Elijah.
Viggo was big. That's what Elijah loved the most about him. But that bigness could so easily swallow up everything that made Elijah Elijah. And there just wasn't enough of that as it was. Too much Frodo/Casey/Leo/Mark/North/Mike/Nat/Huck/Willard/Luke/Sean/Barney and not enough Elijah.
Elijah knew all this for a fact. There were, however, two things he didn't know:
1. The taste of Viggo's cock pushing into the back of his throat; the feel of Viggo's hands in his hair and on his head, pulling him down; the scent of Viggo's skin in front of his face.
2. Viggo's cock in his ass; twigs and leaves under his hands and knees, his face pushed into the ground; his breath rattling in his chest as he tried to take in air, tried, tried, tried, screamed--
It took a while for Elijah to realize that Orli and Viggo weren't together anymore, because they weren't all filming on the same schedule.
But when Orli showed up at his 21st birthday party without Viggo on his arm, shrugging in response to the question on everyone's lips (which was obviously, "Where's Viggo?") Elijah figured it out. "A deaf-mute could figure it out," Billy had said, and followed Orlando out of the room.
Elijah and Dom exchanged Looks; it was pretty obvious where the evening was headed for those two.
"I wonder," Dom had said to Elijah musingly, already half-drunk on second-hand nicotine and first-hand cider, "if Orli knows what he's in for with our Pip."
Elijah knew, and shivered instead of responding. Dom closed his eyes and took a deep breath and said, "Remember what we were in for with our Pip?"
Clearly Elijah did since it was what he was just thinking about it. He said so, and called Dom a fucking wanker, and they were having a half-in-fun and half-in-tentative-sexual-exploration tickle-fest when Viggo knocked on the door.
"VIGGO!" cried Elijah, and flung himself away from Dom and toward Viggo. No point in letting big cock go to waste; if Orli wasn't going to hang on to him, Dom and Elijah might as well forget their (very similar) concerns about Viggo and pounce. Elijah could handle fucking Viggo if someone else was there, and he could handle fucking Dom if someone else was there; maybe Dom and Viggo would balance each other out.
Why they hadn't ever shared Billy, Elijah didn't know. Maybe he'd ask. Maybe he would get a little drunker first.
Viggo did not seem to realize that Orli had left him, though, because he gently disengaged Elijah from his neck and Dom from his abdomen, and asked where Orlando was.
"I think Orli's in here," Elijah said, as loudly as he could without seeming obvious. If he knew Billy - and he knew Billy - then possibly something that Viggo shouldn't see was happening in Elijah's lounge.
Viggo didn't seem to notice Orli's swollen mouth, or Billy's too-bright eyes.
"Bill!" said Viggo jovially. "How's Pippin tonight?"
Elijah put a hand to his mouth and bit down savagely. The look on Billy's face didn't bode well for Viggo or for Orli, who wasn't bothering to shrug off Viggo's arm around his shoulder or tell Viggo what was going on or anything. Shit was about to get all 90210 on Elijah's ass, but he wasn't sure who was Brenda, who was Dylan, who was Kelly, and who was the crazy bitch who set that parade float on fire.
"Not very happy at the moment," Billy finally answered, and folded his arms across his chest. Viggo was clearly waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. Elijah tasted blood, and pulled his fingers out of his mouth. Dom's hand slid around his belly and pulled him backwards, out of the room, and away from Orli and Viggo.
"Come on," whispered Dom, and Elijah thought maybe the best feeling in the world was the one of Dom's hot breath against the skin of Elijah's throat. "We don't need them anyway."
He bit Elijah on the neck, and Elijah shuddered.
"Maybe Billy will come down later," Dom added, and licked his way into Elijah's mouth.
They stumbled into Elijah's bedroom, still sober enough to know what they were doing, drunk enough to not care. Before the door closed, Elijah watched Orlando glance over his shoulder to where Billy was still standing in the lounge, followed the trajectory of Orli's gaze. Billy's eyes were flat and glittering, and his mouth was drawn into a thin line. Elijah knew that look - it meant hard, up against the wall, punishing, bruises.
But Viggo - for all his big brain and big cock and general bigness - was still talking about finding the beer.
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