Title: Less Is More, Except When It Isn't
ORIGINAL STORY: Double Entendres Part I and part 2 by trianne
PAIRING: Elijah Wood/Dave Wenham
SUMMARY: Elijah, he was an actor if nothing else. A loud, sexually boisterous actor who would never, ever get laid again.

Disclaimer: The author makes no claims or inferences to reality or truthfulness. Moreover, this story is based upon the work of another author and recognises their creation.

"I'm too loud," Elijah repeated slowly, not quite believe what he was hearing. Too loud. Of all the stupid, humiliating things to be dumped over, he thought.

"Too loud, babe, I'm sorry," his boyfriend shrugged, looking rather embarrassed himself, and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm tired of explaining it to the neighbors, I'm tired the funny looks." He paused and gave Elijah a look. "I'm tired of the cops coming to my house."

Elijah flushed beet red, but held his ground. This couldn't be the problem, surely. "You sure it's not...I don't know. My nail biting?" He looked at him hopefully, wishing he could fall into the floor and never come back up. "I eat in bed, I smoke too much. I steal your CDs and don't give them back!" Anything but this, this ridiculous - but accurate, he had to admit - insult to his sexual performance.

He felt like a child. And, frankly, he hadn't felt like a child since they'd gotten involved in all of this, months ago. It was something that had worried him, what with the age difference, but when they were together, they years between them seemed to fall away. Until now, when he felt like...like he was being scolded for playing the stereo too loudly.

"No, it's not all that," his boyfriend shook his head sadly. He actually seemed to feel badly about this, which was relieving to Elijah, but it certainly didn't lessen the blow. "I think I just need someone more...subdued. You understand. No hard feelings, right?"

Even though he felt like screaming, and oh the irony there, Elijah just nodded. Silently. Sub-fucking-dued, even. He walked out of the house and didn't look back.


The next day, Elijah made a vow. He just wouldn't have sex. It was simple, really. No sex, no possibility of going through that again.

This plan went smashingly for several weeks, lonely weeks. He even started to get over seeing him on set, even managed to get through scenes together without blushing. Frodo wasn't supposed to blush when his life was threatened, after all. And Elijah, he was an actor if nothing else. A loud, sexually boisterous actor who would never, ever get laid again. Right.

Then one morning, there was a knock at his door. And, of all the people standing on the other side, there was David Wenham, looking at him like he was breakfast. And Elijah knew he was very, very screwed.


"Got plans for the weekend?" Viggo asked him.

"I certainly do," David smiled, and he couldn't keep the look off his face. Viggo started laughing and David shoved him playfully. "What?"

"You look like the cat, ready to eat the canary," Viggo said wryly and David laughed as well. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elijah run by, Dom and Billy giggling behind him. Elijah turned and caught David looking. He flashed him a smile, which seemed to falter for the briefest of seconds. David gave a small wave and Elijah nodded to him before running off again.

Viggo watched this all with quiet, subdued interest.


It will be all right, Elijah told himself. Just don't take him into the bedroom and it would all work out. They'd go for their drive in the country or whatever and David would eventually stop looking at him like that and Elijah would come home and have the wank of his life and then life would get back to normal.

"So, the country..." Elijah smiled awkwardly, his head still a bit muddled with sleep despite the coffee David had made. There was also the distracting matter of David's eyes following the rise and fall of Elijah's t-shirt, and - did he just lick his lips?

"Yep, the country," Dave replied. "Unless you can think of something else you'd rather do?"

Elijah was about to say no, the country was fine, let me grab my wallet and we'll get going. But what came out of his mouth instead was: "There's something in the bedroom you could help me with, actually."

Elijah watched as David's eyes sparkled a bit and he silently cursed himself for his affinity for older men.


"Didn't go well?" Viggo pulled up a seat next to David Monday morning at breakfast, a small smile on his face.

"Can you tell?" David had been deep in thought, wondering exactly what it was that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't that it hadn't gone well, but...

"You look troubled is all." Viggo reached for the butter and looked at him questioningly.

"To be honest, mate, it did go well. But I think...well, something's missing, if that makes sense." He frowned and looked around the small room, waiting for Elijah to come in. "I was just expecting more."

Viggo nodded, a strange look on his face. The door swung open and Elijah walked in. He paused, mid-step, when he saw the two of them sitting together, but then continued walking toward the tray of pastries and bagels.

"Gotta get going," Viggo said suddenly, but David was already gathering up his plate as well.


Okay, so he had lied. Just a small lie, but Elijah hadn't known what else to do. So he had played the virgin. It was believable enough - after all, he was young - and David had seemed to buy it. He'd been gentle and patient and - wonderful, really.

And the sex, it was great. Slow when he wanted it to be, fast when he needed it. And David seemed to be satisfied enough, which was a relief. But then that troubling thing happened, that thing Elijah had been trying to avoid since the moment David had shown up at his door.

Elijah was starting to like him. Really, truly care about him, and this wouldn't do at all.

They lie together the following Saturday night, after several hours of lovemaking, and David was dozing silently next to him. The inside of Elijah's cheek was killing him - he had nearly bit it raw when David had done that thing with his tongue, and Elijah turned to look at him. This wasn't going to work.

He rolled quietly out of bed to get a glass of water, thinking maybe that would help the abused skin inside his mouth. It didn't, really, but it would have to do for now. At least David was asleep, he thought, as he climbed back in and curled around him. The problem was, this felt too nice, his body moving slightly with the rise and fall of David's breathing. He whimpered; this wasn't going to work.

He started to roll over, to turn away so that maybe he could get some sleep, but David stirred.

"'Lijah?" David rolled with him, blinking sleepily and wrapping his arms around him. His hair was mussed, falling into his eyes and Elijah's cock jumped just as his heart sank. David, only noticing the first, grinned and pulled him closer, pushing their hips together.

Elijah squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of Gandalf.


The next evening cinched it. They were seated on Elijah's deck, Elijah on the floor and David in a chair. Elijah looked up at David, who was sweating in the evening heat. He took a long swig of his beer and Elijah stared at David's throat as he swallowed, saw the way the setting sun glinted off his hair. He made a decision.

"We need to end this," he said suddenly.

David flinched and set his beer down slowly. Raising from his chair, he kneeled down on the floor next to Elijah and looked him in the eye. "Why?" he asked. He seemed to be genuinely taken aback and Elijah had never felt like more of an asshole. But he carried on.

"Oh, you know. Been there, done that. Don't ruin a great friendship... end things before they turn sour, one of us gets pregnant or gets the clap..." He laughed bitterly.

David sighed and kissed him gently on the forehead. "You don't want to end it; it's only just beginning. Tell me the real reason and I'll walk away, mate, no worries. No scenes, no awkward silences or stuff. No one will know anything, I promise. Just, come on, give me something..."

Elijah sighed as well. Then he started to explain. He told David about how he was, how he really was in bed. He explained about his past relationship, the neighbors and the police and the way his ex had looked at him when he'd sent him away. He didn't say it, but he was pretty sure he was making it clear that he couldn't go through that again. Maybe he could find himself someone his own age, someone with less experience who wouldn't be turned off by the way he was...

David was just looking at him, a smile on his face. For a terrifying moment, Elijah thought he was going to laugh at him, but David stood and held out his hand. "I like loud," he said, grinning.

Elijah ignored his offered hand and stayed seated, stubbornly. "You don't know what loud can be like."

David simply stared, his hand still outstretched, a mixed look a relief and understanding on his face. "I like loud," he assured him. "I like noisy, ear-shattering, earthshaking, headboard rattling LOUD!"

And Elijah, pulled up from the floor, wrapped his arms around David's chest. And he started to laugh. David began giggling as well and relief washed through Elijah. "I tell you, I let go. I'm a freak!" he said once more, as final warning.

David cupped his face and tilted his chin up, looking Elijah straight in the eye. Elijah looked back at him, all his desire and apprehension clear. "I want to fuck you," David said softly. And Elijah, his resistance and pride falling just short of his libido, gave in.


Viggo was fairly familiar with text messaging. He didn't use it very often, but he knew the basics enough to send one himself. Looking at the newly-purchased box on his nightstand, Viggo was confident that this would work. He glanced over at his bed, big and empty for weeks now, and sighed. He remembered vaguely that, when Henry would text him, he'd shorten words. Right then, he thought, picking up his phone. Here goes nothing.


For the second time in twenty-four hours, Elijah lay in bed next to David, in desperate need of a glass of water. His throat was killing him in the best way possible. He kissed David's cheek softly before sliding out of bed. On his back from the kitchen, he saw his cell phone blinking; he had a message. Setting down his glass, he flipped it open and read.

"Hi babe. 4give me. Bed mtee without u. Found industrial strength ear plugs. Cum c me. Please."

Elijah smiled smugly at the baby talk. To think, a grown man behaving like such a child. He set his phone back down and picked up his glass, taking a long sip before heading back to bed. He was planning on being extra noisy so David would wake up again.

The End.